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Phil and Shar
Geisert have lived in Corvallis for over 20 years and have a heart for
reaching out to those who have experienced sexual abuse or are struggling
with sexual addiction. They have served in many leadership roles over the
years, including board membership, teaching, and offering support to those
struggling with homosexuality. We interviewed Phil and Sharon to hear their
story and how God has worked in their lives, enabling them to minister to
others.
Shar, can you tell
me a bit about your life before you met Phil?
Shar: All throughout my childhood I felt different than the other girls.
I didn’t think like them, and I didn’t trust men. My best friend’s dad
molested me when I lived next door to them. I learned that if my friend was
over, he would not come. If she was there, I was safe. A path of thinking
began that there was comfort at having a woman beside me in bed.
When did you two
meet and get married?
Phil: We met in high school and ended up getting married when I had a
year left in the army. The army was very much a party atmosphere, so we just
partied and continued that lifestyle at home after I got out of the army.
About a year and a half later, we broke up.
Shar: After the divorce, I began dating men, but was also starting to
have an even stronger attachment to women. I saw a picture of a friend of my
sister’s, and I knew I wanted to have her. And we ended up together. When I
finally decided to tell someone, this friend decided to tell the rest of my
friends. I felt really betrayed, and that triggered other betrayals, but it
also started me seeking the Lord. A guy came into my bar one night. I
thought he looked kinda cute, so I went over to chat with him. All I
remember him saying is, “Blah, blah, blah … Jesus.” Nothing else except that
we talked about Jesus and that I felt loved. Within two weeks, I had made a
decision for Christ, but it took the next two and a half years to work
through all those feelings.
Phil, what was
happening with you while all of this was happening to Shar? Did you know
what was happening with her?
Phil: I had no idea. In my life I was drinking and had a reasonable
amount of promiscuity too. Then the guys at work started talking about
end-times prophecies. I’d get off work, go to the bar, and then go home to
read the Bible, so I could mess with people’s minds. A while after I started
reading the Bible again, I made a recommitment to the Lord.
How long was it
between when you got divorced and when you started dating each other again?
Phil: There were about four years of separation. We saw each other once
or twice in three years and then started dating that last year.
Phil, you had
issues with sexual addiction as well. How did that play out in your life?
Phil: I’d had pornography in the house growing up. I think that was my
dad’s way of teaching me about the birds and the bees. I didn’t really act
out while we were married, but after the divorce I would feel guilty every
time I was with another woman. Pornography was a release of that guilt for
me. When we got remarried, it was hard to break out of it.
You entered into
marriage again with unresolved issues. How did those get resolved?
Phil: Shar’s partner lived with us for a few months, and I still didn’t
know anything about it until after she moved out. When I did find out, I
didn’t know how to react. I was one of those guys who hardly understood
emotions. I could have always challenged another guy if she was more
interested in him than me, but I couldn’t understand her feelings toward
another woman. I thought, “Can’t fix it. Don’t know what to do. Don’t
understand the dynamics. It was a bad decision, now we’re moving on with
life.” And it was that way for me until Shar got into an emotionally
dependent relationship with another gal a while later.
Shar: We went and confessed to Phil. I think that’s when I began to
realize, “I’ve got an issue here.”
Phil: Before it had been something in the past from when we were
apart. Now it was something after we’d spent some years together. It was
more devastating to me.
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