Unashamedly Loved
Shelly PattonVolunteer Leader
When I walked through the doors of Mid-Valley Fellowship in the summer of 2013, I had already gone through a tremendous amount of healing for codependency issues. While going through this healing process, I started having flashbacks of sexual abuse I experienced as a child. A friend told me about a group for women that are sex abuse survivors that would be starting soon at MVF. I knew this is where I needed to be, so I joined the Mending the Soul program.
We dove head first into the Mending the Soul curriculum, and one of the very first things we did was identify specific things that the abuse stole from us. It was very eye-opening for me. We went back into our family dynamics and looked at how our families dealt with the abuse. My family swept it under the rug. It was the dirty secret that no one talked about. My mom was not very nurturing – gave no hugs and never told me she loved me. My dad did do those things, but neither one of them told me that what happened to me wasn’t my fault. I learned that this type of treatment is called neglect.
Things actually got worse before they got better. I began to grieve all the losses in my life that the abuse stole from me with other women in my group. I no longer felt alone in my struggles. It was so freeing and healing for me. I was shown grace, mercy, and compassion by my group leader and the other women I was connecting with. When I felt like there was no hope left, my group leader was always able to point me back to Jesus.
As I surrendered to this healing process, God started unearthing lies that I believed about myself and replaced them with his truth. One day while in group, I realized something was missing: the negative self-talk that I played over and over in my head. It was gone. God also identified my source of shame that I have carried with me since I was a child. Because I wasn’t loved the way I needed, God showed me I was ashamed of my very own need to be loved.
We had a surrender service at the MVF support program retreat, and I laid that shame at the cross. I remember one of the men said a prayer out loud over me that I will never forget. He prayed that God would show me that my need to be loved was a God-given desire. I walked away from that retreat forever changed!
I realized that people in my life failed me terribly. No one but God could love me the way I needed. When I graduated from the program, I felt very strongly about joining the leadership team at MVF. As a leader now, I feel that I am on wobbly legs and am learning to live with the scars. I was just recently reminded that the scars that Jesus had after being crucified were the proof of who HE really was and that HIS suffering was real. The purpose in showing His scars to the disciples was to build their faith and give them hope.
We dove head first into the Mending the Soul curriculum, and one of the very first things we did was identify specific things that the abuse stole from us. It was very eye-opening for me. We went back into our family dynamics and looked at how our families dealt with the abuse. My family swept it under the rug. It was the dirty secret that no one talked about. My mom was not very nurturing – gave no hugs and never told me she loved me. My dad did do those things, but neither one of them told me that what happened to me wasn’t my fault. I learned that this type of treatment is called neglect.
Things actually got worse before they got better. I began to grieve all the losses in my life that the abuse stole from me with other women in my group. I no longer felt alone in my struggles. It was so freeing and healing for me. I was shown grace, mercy, and compassion by my group leader and the other women I was connecting with. When I felt like there was no hope left, my group leader was always able to point me back to Jesus.
As I surrendered to this healing process, God started unearthing lies that I believed about myself and replaced them with his truth. One day while in group, I realized something was missing: the negative self-talk that I played over and over in my head. It was gone. God also identified my source of shame that I have carried with me since I was a child. Because I wasn’t loved the way I needed, God showed me I was ashamed of my very own need to be loved.
We had a surrender service at the MVF support program retreat, and I laid that shame at the cross. I remember one of the men said a prayer out loud over me that I will never forget. He prayed that God would show me that my need to be loved was a God-given desire. I walked away from that retreat forever changed!
I realized that people in my life failed me terribly. No one but God could love me the way I needed. When I graduated from the program, I felt very strongly about joining the leadership team at MVF. As a leader now, I feel that I am on wobbly legs and am learning to live with the scars. I was just recently reminded that the scars that Jesus had after being crucified were the proof of who HE really was and that HIS suffering was real. The purpose in showing His scars to the disciples was to build their faith and give them hope.
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My suffering has been real, my scars are real, and my healing is real. Life isn’t easy, sometimes not very fair, and certainly not meant to be a bed of roses. There is a joy that lives inside of me along with the scars. That joy is from knowing that no matter what happens, God is with me, and he has a purpose for everything.
I have part of a scripture tattooed on my foot: “not by sight.” When life gets hard and I can’t see my way, it is my reminder that I need to just keep trusting and putting one foot in front of the other. God has given me a heart to come alongside other women that want to be courageous and walk through this healing process because it is scary, hard, ugly, beautiful, and worth it! Shelly currently serves on the Mid-Valley Fellowship leadership team as a teacher and small group leader for our support programs. She has been an encouragement to women coming for support and a great addition to our team. |
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