​We are experiencing an economic crisis. Jobs are being lost. Making ends meet is difficult. We are in the midst of a war. Conflict grows in our relationships, which causes fracture or the end of those relationships. Health problems consume our time, energy, and resources. Addictions control our lives.

Everywhere you turn, there are reasons to be worried. The message being communicated again and again is “be anxious about everything.” To be fair, all those things listed above are significant. None can be solved by a snap of our fingers, though we often wish they could. So, how do we respond in the midst of so many reasons to be anxious?

As we explore anxiety, I want to acknowledge that it is a complex topic. This article can only hope to scratch the surface. I share the following thoughts not to be a quick fix but to be a start, continuation, or affirmation of a process in your life.

For as long as I can remember, my mind has easily slipped into obsessively anxious patterns. An example of my internal dialog would have gone something like this:

“My friend just told me he struggles with homosexuality. Now what?” “My daughter told us she was born a lesbian and is now pursuing that lifestyle.” “My friend told me about her struggle. If I spend time with her, will people think I’m a lesbian too?”

Homosexuality is a difficult topic. Not only must you contend with what you believe God says about homosexuality, but also your own personal reaction when it hits close to home. No matter the situation, it can be complex and confusing. At the same time, there are some fairly straightforward concepts that can assist you as you interact with someone struggling with homosexuality. In order to get a clearer picture of those concepts, it is helpful to have a general understanding of what the person struggling with homosexuality has experienced. Much of this is revealed in the stories you read in our newsletters, but we wanted to present it in a more summarized fashion this month.

First and foremost, it is important to understand that every person is different. While there are some similarities in the issues faced by those dealing with homosexuality, each person’s journey will be different. Internal wiring and a whole series of life experiences come together to create unique individuals with different challenges and perspectives on life.

Additionally, a core concept to keep in mind is that homosexuality is all about relationships. God designed us with a need to connect with other people and a Creator in healthy relationships. Homosexuality may result when needs are not met in appropriate or healthy ways. The needs are legitimate; the way of fulfilling them is unhealthy and ultimately destructive. There is a breakdown in relationships. Below are some of the relational issues that can occur along with some perspective that may assist you as you try to relate with a friend or loved one.

Sexual/Verbal Abuse
One of the clearest breakdowns in relationship comes with sexual abuse, whether by a person of the same or opposite sex. A child learns about sex before they are prepared or equipped to understand or communicate about it. Something that was intended to be an expression of love is used in an unloving way. The child cannot understand or process that. Love and care become intermixed with confusion and shame. The result later in life can be repeating that abusive experience in an attempt to feel loved and accepted. In contrast, someone who has been abused may become very self-protective and not trust anyone, especially if someone reminds them of their abuser. The same is true, though usually to a lesser degree, with verbal abuse.

When relating with someone who has been abused, you may find it very hard to gain their trust. Situations that seem like normal/natural relational connections to you, may make them withdraw. Be patient. As you relate with them, let them set the pace. Don’t fault them for pulling back at unexpected times, but continue to communicate your care for them.

Individual Temperament/Abilities
Each of us have been designed with specific God-given gifts and abilities. There is a great mixture of artists, athletes, culinary masters, and mechanical people. Unfortunately, American culture has assigned many of these roles to one gender or the other. As a result, a guy who likes to cook and a girl who is exceptionally athletic are considered out of the ordinary. In order to “fit in,” they may try to reject the way God has designed them. The more they reject that internal wiring and ability, the more difficult things can be.

One of the most powerful things you can do for anyone is to give them an opportunity to share what they are passionate about. When you do, you give the person permission to be the man or woman God designed them to be. And whether or not you have the same gifts and passions, you can still value what you can learn and understand from someone different than yourself.

Relationship with Same-Sex Parent
The first place a boy learns about masculinity is from his father, and the first place a woman learns about femininity is from her mother. At least, that’s the way it’s supposed to work. If the parent is absent physically because of something like divorce or death, the understanding of masculinity or femininity can be skewed. A parent who is physically present but abusive or emotionally absent can create the same misperception. These perceptions then create the foundation for relationships with others of the same sex.

An older/more experienced teacher, friend, or acquaintance can serve as a mentor for a person who has had an absent gender model. By walking alongside someone struggling, you can provide an incredible support simply by bestowing those things you learned growing up.

Relationship with Opposite-Sex Parent
Just as the relationship with the same-sex parent is the place a child learns to identify with their own sex, the relationship with the opposite-sex parent helps a child learn about relationships with the opposite sex. A father shows a daughter she is loved and valued in the safety and security of their relationship. She learns men should treat her well and respect her, while she learns to reciprocate that respect. On the other side, a son learns to respect and honor women and that interaction with them should be different than with other men.

Peer Relationships
In addition to the relationships listed above, a break-down in relationships with peers can contribute to a struggle with homosexuality. This could take the form of labeling or alienation. When a child is rejected by their same-sex peers, that child may reject their own sex and perhaps identify with the opposite sex. Over time, the lack of identification with the same sex is repeated in multiple situations, re-emphasizing a difference and making identification with the same sex seem less and less of a possibility. Activities in which someone would normally be surrounded by same-sex peers become overwhelming and intimidating.

As a man who is struggling with homosexuality steps into arenas with other men, he needs to receive the affirmation that he belongs there. Additionally, an invitation to be part of an activity with other men, communicates that he is a man and bestows that sense of masculinity – a task which only another man can do. The same is true with women. They need other women to model femininity.

For all these relational break-downs, the most powerful antidote is healthy relationships. While homosexuality may make you feel uncomfortable, those struggling need you to walk alongside them in honesty and openness. I challenge you to step into the uncomfortable but ultimately rewarding experience of encouraging those struggling with homosexuality.

I am often asked how the ministry of Mid-Valley Fellowship is going, which seems a logical question for the director of the ministry. However, the question is also a challenging one for two reasons. First, how do I summarize a series of experiences and conversations to communicate what has been happening in the life of the ministry? Much of our efforts focus in areas that are intangible, so quantifying them can be somewhat difficult. Secondly, we value the confidentiality of those coming to us for support, advice, or perspective, which makes sharing a story very delicate. However, this month, I thought I would relay some conversations that are representative of what we are doing as a ministry. Some details have been omitted or altered to respect the confidentiality of the conversations, but the substance has been retained.

Partnership
The most common conversation I probably have is with the post office box: “What will you contain today?” Some days it is empty, but many days it contains notes of encouragement, gifts from donors, or perhaps some random piece of mail. I am always blessed by the encouragement notes and by those who faithfully give each month. They are reminders of God’s faithfulness financially and relationally. The random bits of mail also offer occasional comic relief.

Thankfully, conversations about partnership in the ministry of Mid-Valley Fellowship are not confined to the mailbox. In the last couple months, we have been preparing for our annual benefit dinner in October. Part of that process is enlisting leadership donors who will underwrite the cost of the evening and invite their friends to the dinner. Their partnership will enable us to share our ministry purpose and vision with many new potential partners all at once. I have been blessed to see that process unfold as people generously contribute to the future of MVF. The evening will be an exciting event, and there are still some great opportunities to be a leadership donor. Contact us to learn how.

There are many ways to partner in the ministry of Mid-Valley Fellowship. A couple recent conversations with local pastors caused me to think more about this. They shared their support for MVF and, at the same time, uncertainty about how to partner with us in ministry. In the next few months, we plan to share some very tangible ways you can partner with us in communicating a message of hope to those impacted by homosexuality.

Support
In addition to conversations about partnership, I also have the opportunity to offer support to local pastors facing difficult situations in their church or ministry group. Such was the case with a recent conversation. A ministry leader was working very hard to resolve a situation in a healthy and helpful way but was hitting a wall. We met and discussed the situation in detail, and I gave some outside perspective and advice. After chatting for a couple hours, the ministry leader felt more equipped for the situation, and we left the conversation open for further dialogue.

I also occasionally have the privilege of a coffee or lunch with a youth pastor. It seems that many high school students are faced with how to interact with peers who have identified themselves as gay, in addition to potentially experiencing their own questions or confusion about sexuality. Conversations with youth pastors are usually a very open, honest interchange, focused on the challenges their students face and how MVF can come alongside in partnership with the youth pastor. That support can take the form of speaking with their group and offering training to staff, among other things.

Communication
Communication is a priority for us, so we value opportunities to share in differing contexts from leadership teams and small groups to church services or other large group gatherings. Through various avenues, we are able to facilitate a conversation that challenges common perspectives and shares a message of redemption for those impacted by homosexuality or any other issue. Recently, I visited a church and taught our 3-part series (Homosexuality 101) in a Sunday School class. It provides the framework for an interactive conversation that can ultimately take the group into whatever is on their minds as it relates to homosexuality. My most recent visit was no exception with great interaction from the group in attendance. As we journeyed together, a conversation began that will hopefully continue in the future. It was also a blessing for me to see another part of the Body of Christ, outside the context of my local church.

Volunteers
We have some great volunteers that make the ministry of Mid-Valley Fellowship possible. While our Taking Back Ground volunteers are taking a much-needed break for the summer, our board members continue to serve. In addition to regular meetings, some have taken on special projects, and we get to interact about those. They have also brought additional perspective on things we do as a ministry. One focus they have at the moment is developing partnerships. In addition to working on the benefit dinner, they are brainstorming effective ways to increase awareness of MVF in the Christian community.

On a personal level, I enjoy interacting with pastors and ministry leaders, who are my peers in the area. Being able to chat with people who can relate with some of the things I experience is helpful for me. Many of them have been or are in similar situations to those I face. This is another blessing from God.

Have I had a conversation with you? I would love to get to know you, share with you more about the ministry of Mid-Valley Fellowship, and let you know how you can be a part. Give me a call or drop me an e-mail. I would enjoy hearing from you. 

Last week I spent a couple days in Mt. Angel, Oregon for a personal retreat. That may seem odd to you if you only think of Mt. Angel as the home of Oktoberfest each year (a traditional German harvest festival celebrating the bounty of the earth and the goodness of creation). However, it is also home to a Benedictine Abbey and Monastery. The Benedictine Order is known for its focus on prayer, work, simplicity, hospitality, and service. Part of their service and hospitality is offered through creating places for people to come on retreat. As a side note: If you have never done a personal retreat – a day or two alone to rest and meet with God – I highly recommend it. Certainly seek some advice from others who have done a retreat and enlist people to be praying for your time, but how can you go wrong, making an intentional decision to step away from busyness and distractions to focus on God?

For this visit, I stayed at the Abbey, which sits high on a hill overlooking the valley below. All I could see for miles were fields, small clusters of homes, and trees that have probably lived two to three times as long as I have. In the Abbey garden, shrubs and flowers were enjoyed by many birds and the occasional rabbit or squirrel. Overall, a very tranquil place ... and a reminder of how big God is. I could only see a portion of His creation and it seemed vast – beyond my comprehension to imagine the whole of the universe. Sometimes I get stuck in my place in the world and become overwhelmed or consumed with the tyranny of the urgent and miss the big picture. But God has it all in hand – the small stuff – the big stuff – just as He had all the elements in mind when He created that beautiful valley in Mt. Angel.
​
A friend recently reminded me of a verse from Exodus chapter 3. First, a bit of background to the chapter: The Israelites found themselves as slaves in Egypt, under harsh masters. Remembering the roots of their nation, they began crying out to God about their situation. Beginning in verse 7, we read God’s response in a conversation he had with Moses, an Israelite who would ultimately lead the people out of Egypt:

In this verse, we find a significant progression. “I have indeed seen.” The process begins with observation. There is some limited connection but observation by its nature is hands off. Next, “I have heard.” Another of the five senses is being engaged. It is more advanced observation but still hands off. Then, “I am concerned about their suffering.” Now there is a fundamental shift from external observation to internal action. God’s heart is moved towards His people and what they are experiencing. What an incredible picture of intimacy. God does not just sit in heaven, observing our lives in a disconnected way. He sees, hears, and is concerned. He is connected to us in a very personal way.

From the vantage point of looking over the valley at the Abbey, cars and houses seemed like toys placed across the landscape. It may have been easy to observe them – to see and hear – but they actually represented individuals and families, each of whom has a personal story. Some family stories are filled with joy, some incredible pain, and many somewhere in-between. While I did not know each story, God does. Part of the way He moves and shows concern is through His calling on individuals lives to reach out and serve. Our vision/desire as a ministry is to do just that and see a message of hope extended to all the people in the vastness of the Central Willamette Valley. For those seeking some hope or answer about their struggle with homosexuality to grasp the enormity of God and His power and the personal, intimate desire He has to relate with us – His personal creation. For those feeling isolated and lost in efforts to relate with friends or family members who have embraced homosexuality to find comfort from our great God. And for churches to wrestle with the incredible potency of the Gospel, and its ability to transform lives. It has the power to extend grace to everyone, even those who find themselves in the midst of extremely difficult issues.

In our hectic lives, it is easy to lose sight of these things. One of the employees of the Abbey had a blank look on his face when I said I came to Mt. Angel for some rest and renewal. For him, being in that pristine place simply involved labor and toil. And we can be the same way, because finding rest and renewal is not so much about the place (though it can help) as it is about our perspective.

There’s a song by Christy Nockels called “Hosanna.” She writes of a revival occurring in the world – her heart, passion, desire, and vision for it. Part of that is encapsulated in this phrase: “Break my heart for what is Yours.” As I heard it, I thought, “That’s a scary idea … to truly have a heart open to the hurts and pains God sees – it could be overwhelming …” Because as God sees the vast Willamette Valley, He sees and knows the story of each inhabitant – He sees … He hears … and He is concerned …”

Being in a beautiful place on a retreat, it was easy to have a vision for what God can do in our region. It can be harder when I return to day-to-day life, but keeping that in focus is what can accurately shape my understanding of God’s call. I pray you too will embrace God’s call on your life and that the desire expressed in Nichols’ song will be your prayer as well: “Open up my eyes to the things unseen – show me how to love like You have loved me.” And along the way, may you join with others in the vision God has laid before them as well.

by Duan Walker
originally published July 2008

It is with a certain amount of fear that I put pen to paper on the matter of prayer. I have been stretched in prayer lately, considering new and old forms of prayer and seeing where I fall short. In the midst of this growth I have also been considering how others might pray for friends, acquaintances, and loved ones who are struggling with homosexuality.

There are great men and women of prayer that have written eloquent books on the subject, yet sifting through those could take years. God’s own words to us in Scripture are rich, so I will stick mostly to them in answering how we can pray for someone in the lifestyle or for someone struggling with homosexual attractions.

First, I would like to comment on our mindset going into prayer. God instructs us to pray without ceasing. This is not just a matter of persevering when we don’t see how God is answering our prayers. It’s a matter of keeping a frame of mind that is always ready to pray, whether that is praying in the midst of doing the dishes, driving to work, writing a report, or reading the newspaper.

Second, we should not come to God expecting to “fix” someone else’s lifestyle through prayer. This does not discount the power of God to work in someone else’s life, but the focus should be on God doing His work, which often looks different than we might expect. Our first priority in praying for others should be that they will have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. If they already have a relationship in Christ, the priority in prayer is still that they grow in that relationship. Let God work in each person in His own time and way through their relationship with Him.

For the actual act of prayer, one method of praying for another is following the Lord’s Prayer. In looking at the Scriptures surrounding the Lord’s Prayer, there are two simple guidelines that Jesus laid out for us. First, he taught humility. Right before giving the Lord’s Prayer in the book of Matthew, he warns against the hypocrisy of praying to get attention. Then, within the Lord’s Prayer, he models that we should pray for God’s will to be done, putting God’s will above our own. This, of course, includes surrendering when we think God should act, trusting His timing for His answers to prayer. In a sermon on Matthew, chapter 8, Martin Luther concludes, “Therefore faith prays in such a manner that it commits everything to the gracious will of God; it lets [God] determine whether it is conducive to his honor and to our benefit.” Second, Jesus explicitly taught perseverance. In Luke’s gospel, Jesus gives the example of a man knocking on a friend’s door asking for bread late at night. Though the friend did not want to get up, the persistent knocking got him to respond. How many of us want to give up after seeing no immediate change or expected result?

​The Lord's Prayer as found in Matthew 6:

Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name. All prayer should intentionally glorify God. Before we begin praying for another person, we should remember who God is and give attention to praise.

Your kingdom come, your will be done. This is a time to invite God to work in that person’s life. Without assuming we know how it should look, we should pray that God’s will would be done in their life. In some ways, this will feel vague. This is because God has a plan that we are not privy to. We should be praying that his plans unfold how he wants them to, not how we want them to.

Give us this day our daily bread. A guiding question here is, “What does the person I am praying for need?” These are specific, concrete needs. The need may be monetary, medical, relational, or something else entirely. If this is for someone we know well, we’ll know more specifics. For an acquaintance, we may have to generalize a bit more. In both cases, we can pray in faith knowing that God will provide for each need.

Forgive us our debts as we have forgiven our debtors. There are some questions we may want to bring before God in regard to our relationship with the person we are praying for. “Do I have something against the person I am praying for?” “Have I forgiven that person?” “Does that person know I have forgiven them?” “Have I acted wrongly toward them?” “Do I need to seek forgiveness from them.” Aside from these relationship concerns, we may be grieved by specific sinful acts in which the person is engaged. If this is the case, the best example I know of is Nehemiah. When he prays fervently for his nation’s sins, he includes himself in them, acknowledging that he and his people have collectively failed to keep God’s commandments. Nehemiah 1:4-7 reads,

Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. We can pray that a person will not be tempted to sin. And in praying for the person struggling with homosexuality, we can pray specifically that the person will be protected from influences that lead them into homosexual behavior. More importantly, it helps focus us on God as the deliverer and Satan as the enemy. We are not delivering someone by our prayers. God is. We are not fighting people. God redeems people. It is on this note that the Lord’s Prayer ends.

In leaving the example of the Lord’s Prayer, I want to end with a thought from Oswald Chambers. In My Utmost for His Highest, he writes, “True intercession involves bringing the person, or the circumstance that seems to be crashing in on you, before God, until you are changed by his attitude toward that person or circumstance.” May you allow God’s heart to transform yours through prayer for others.